The internet is a goddamn miracle. I know I spend a lot of time moving on and on concerning how the trap has ushered in a fair age of hardcore pornography, but the net offers much more than just adult content. You can buy a truck, start a band, or even find someone to recover all the porn you thought you lost off your hard drive. Some people say the net separates and isolates people, but you can use it to chat up others, go on dates, or find someone to “slob your knob” for a while. BedPage.com helps you do all these things and more.
It’s Like BackPage, but with ‘Bed’ in the Name
BedPage popped up on the web in 2018. While it was brand new, its design was immediately familiar. Users who had been finding escorts online for a while knew what they were looking at without even being told. BedPage spelled it out clearly with pages linked in their footer: “Alternative to Backpage,” “Best Sites Like Backpage,” and “New Backpage Personals.” Each page is a lengthy explanation meant to convince both you and Google that they are indeed a replacement for BackPage.
In case you’ve been living under a rock or haven’t kept up with the latest on Internet hooker news, the feds broke down on BackPage just before BedPage emerged. Craigslist, another longtime refuge for adult services, preemptively removed its adult listings before anyone even had to say anything. It wouldn’t surprise me if there were a woke angle behind that, too.
BedPage set out to be a full-fledged replacement for either site, though it mostly needed to replace the adult listings. It’s amusing that people are posting non-sexual listings on a site made initially to connect users with sex workers. The classified ads are divided into many sections unrelated to hooking up or paying for sex, but the Adult section is still given prime real estate on the page. The rest? Well, it seems like window dressing, but hey, people are using it, so what the hell do I know?
“Hey man, I was thinking of listing some commercial property to rent and maybe finding someone to tend to my garden. Oh, and maybe hire a dominatrix to step on my balls for a couple of hours. You know any websites like that?”
Hookers, Strippers, Daycare, and Classes
I know what kind of readers frequent this site, and I know what you’re really interested in. So let’s at least touch on what’s available here besides escorts, strippers, dominatrices, and totally wholesome body rubs. I wouldn’t review Walmart and only mention the condom and lotion aisles—well, maybe I would, but let me pretend to be professional for a moment.
Like many internet classified sites, BedPage divides its listings into categories that would be familiar to anyone who’s browsed through a newspaper’s classified section. There are sections for vehicles and parts, antiques, jewelry, computers, tools, and pet supplies. You can also find job listings and available services, rent or buy a house, or promote your local restaurant. There’s even a section for local discussions about childcare, volunteering, or classes.
There’s also a Dating section, broken down by who’s seeking whom. Whether you’re looking for a guy, a girl, or a transgender individual, there’s a space for you. You can casually hook up or meet someone who’ll become the love of your life.
And then, once you’re done with all that respectable stuff, you can return to the Adult section. It’s where you’ll find phone sex, real sex, escorts, strippers, erotic massages, and adult job listings. Now let’s dive into the good stuff.
All Types of Grown-Up Shit for Grown-Ups
Before I get too deep into the Adult listings, I should mention the Massage listings. You might think these are all the wholesome types of massages you’d get your mom a gift card for, based on the fact that they aren’t in the adult section, but you’d be wrong. For some reason, BedPage has two separate listings for erotic massages: one under “Services” and one under “Adult.”
Other adult categories include Domination and Fetish, Escorts, Male Escorts, and TS (transsexual) services. There’s also an “Adult Jobs” section, along with listings for phone services and adult websites. Strippers and strip clubs are included as well. These categories are broad, but hopefully, there’s something here for everyone—from petite Asians giving foot jobs to busty blondes performing other services, and trannies ready to take the lead.
I could have spent my time browsing other sections of the site, but let’s be honest—phone sex is weak compared to the cam girls I usually watch. The Escort listings really caught my attention. If I’m paying for it, I want the whole experience, not a lesser version.
A Bunch of Internet Whores Screaming at You
Most escort sites today are heavily visual. In fact, every fucking website nowadays has a heavy visual component. BedPage, on the other hand, feels like a blast from the past. When you dig into the listings, it looks like something out of Craigslist or BackPage—text-based and messy as hell.
There are sponsored ads at the top of the page, but once you scroll down to the listings, it’s a wall of text. Half of it is in ALL CAPS, some of it in alternating caps, and it’s filled with random emojis that appear out of nowhere.
On other escort sites, you click on a picture of a girl that appeals to you. But on BedPage, you have to take a chance on a listing with a title like (5 heart emojis and a checkmark) 100% (star, dog face, tongue emoji) SmOkInG HOTT! (peach emoji, eggplant) Jizzabella 22.” There’s very little useful info in the listing other than her age. A few of the more professional ones might include in-call/out-call options in the title.
The descriptions themselves are often written in the same emoji-laden style, with plenty of ALL CAPS SCREAMING. The good news? Most of these listings at least feature pictures—thank God. I wish they were easier to view. Each listing opens in a new tab, which is a massive annoyance in the ass corresponded to the thumbnail view on modern escort and massage sites.
Who Else Has Gardeners AND Crack Whores?
Now, I’m not going to lie—BedPage does have a few things going for it. For one, you don’t have to sign up to view the contact information for escorts or masseuses. You won’t leave a paper trail connecting you to any of these transactions, so long as you clear your browser history (or tell your wife you were looking for a new lawnmower).
That said, most escort sites let you view contact info without registering. This is standard practice, so BedPage is really offering the bare minimum. The real issue is that, compared to other adult sites, BedPage falls short. There are no thumbnails, no advanced search options, and no user reviews to help you evaluate whether a listing is legitimate or just another crack whore trying to rip you off.
One thing BedPage has going for it is the variety in its Adult listings. Most best escort sites don’t have an “Grown-up Jobs” section where you can meet a real-life pimp ready to help you sell your body. Then again, the majority of the listings are still for escorts and masseuses. Even the “Adult Jobs” and “Websites” sections are mostly filled with women offering low-priced hookups.
Final Thoughts: BedPage’s Place in the Adult Marketplace
In conclusion, BedPage is a bit of a clusterfuck, but it still manages to attract millions of visits each month. That’s mostly from older users who don’t realize there are far better ways to find a quick lay than on this chaotic, emoji-filled mess. Sure, you can get laid here, but you’re much better off checking out other, more modern escort sites that offer more straightforward navigation, clearer visuals, and a more professional experience.
